No Seems to be the Hardest Word
Posted on 28. May, 2008 by admin in Inspiration
Is your iPhone packed with committee meetings, fund raisers, children’s sporting events and class parties? Are you often double booked, multi tasking to the breaking point, and exhausted from obligations? Many of us reach a point where we realize that it’s all too much. Our lives have turned into a rushed stream of appointments and obligatory events. Learning to confidently say, “No” is the fastest way to reclaim personal time and reduce self-inflicted stress.
What’s the Drama?
The “disease to please” in our culture has reached epic proportions. We hear our mouths say, “Sure, I’d love to spend my weekend pet sitting your beloved poodle,” while inside we are crying “uncle.” And so begins the cycle of martyrdom.
“Saying yes when you need to say no causes burnout. You do yourself and the person making the request a disservice by saying yes all of the time,” says Duke Robinson, author of Too Nice for Your Own Good.
When stress levels are climbing, and your mood is sinking, it’s time to evaluate the “yes-to-stress” ratio. Complete the following:
If I had more time, I would ___________. If it wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings, I would ____________.
Next, assess your current professional, personal, and volunteer obligations. Which activities nurture and fill you up? How many of them make you feel like a cast member of Survivor? Take note.
Create a personal “litmus test” to evaluate if an invitation, request, or opportunity will add joy to your life, or increase stress and chaos. Is the activity a long term or short term commitment? Does it match my personal values and goals? Will this take time away from my family? Do I have enough time to do this without causing myself anxiety? If the request fails the “litmus test,” it’s time to string together the consonant N, and the vowel 0.
“No” is a Complete Sentence
Much to my dismay, my headstrong son’s very first word was “No.” While still in diapers, he used it at least a hundred times a day. Ever notice how easily children communicate what they want? Free from social expectations, small children are brutally honest. As adults, we can learn something from them.
Practice saying the following:
“No.” “Let me think about it.” “It doesn’t fit into my schedule.” There is no need to give lengthy explanations or to fabricate excuses. There is power in saying no honestly and efficiently.
The Benefits of NO
Gracefully bowing out of unwanted commitments also allows others to step up to the plate. Give someone else a chance to come through. Allow others to pick up the slack.
Use your newly-found free time to try something new. What activities do you love, or want to try, that you’ve just never had the time to do? By becoming intentional about your time, your schedule will begin to reflect your core values and desires.
Saying “no” to unnecessary obligations is actually saying “yes” to yourself and your priorities. Take the time to assess current schedules and eliminate activities that are strictly out of obligation. Then, begin to take pleasure in a more joyful and authentic life.
Susan Hyatt is a Certified Life Coach. She can be reached at www.ideallifedesign.com.
