Living Fearlessly
Posted on 07. Jul, 2008 by admin in Inspiration
Like
many of you who suffer from the disease of over achievement, I’ve practically
spent the majority of my life striving to avoid failure, embarrassment and
humiliation. This strategy worked
swimmingly much of my life, until I was introduced to my life’s greatest
teachers: my children. By enduring countless embarrassing
parenting moments, in front of librarians, friends, teachers, and strangers,
involving broken windows, smarty pants mouths and a set of my neighbor’s sunk
boat keys, what I’ve learned from
them has set me free. Feeling
shame is optional. I can choose my
thoughts and feelings, and ditch self-inflicted drama altogether.
Ever
altered your behavior, stayed home from the party, or not spoken up for
yourself out of concern for “what will everybody think?” Me too. Author Seth Godin says, “we don’t choose to be
remarkable because we’re worried about criticism. We hesitate to create
innovative movies, launch new human resource initiatives, design a menu that
makes diners take notice or give an audacious sermon because we’re worried,
deep down, that someone will hate it and call us on it.”
Many
of us are convinced that if we express what we want to do with our careers,
relationships, and lawn maintenance, that “everybody” will think we are
crazy/stupid/lazy/inferior. “What
will the neighbors say?” Or, “The
office will laugh at me.” If you
are stuck in any area of life due to obeying this kind of fear, it’s time to
clean up your mental clutter.
Evaluate Your Everybody
Most
of us have an “everybody” comprised of important family members and a couple of
people who made impressions on us during important stages of our lives. For example, Tara’s “everybody”
consists of her parents, her brother, a friend from high school and a college
professor. Tara thinks that
“everybody” would flip out if she quit her job as a teacher to become a stay at
home mom. It turns out that when
Tara dissected her “everybody,” she realized that most of them weren’t even
involved in her daily life. And,
the people who were, would either be supportive of her anyway, or would get
over it.
Who
occupies a seat in your “everybody stadium?” Are they people whose opinion you
value? Often, our “everybody”
consists of individuals that we really do not even like or admire. Are any of them more qualified to make
decisions for your life than you?
So What? Who cares?
You
discover that your worst fear is coming true. The night time janitor at your office building was overheard
gossiping that you should not be taking ballroom dance lessons. Practice saying the following,
“So?” Why is this so bad? Would you rather have a fulfilling life
or win approval?
Okay,
so many of us are approval junkies and this might be a hard one. Want a fast as lightening way to cut to
the heart of the matter? Ask
yourself, “Is this thought, decision, or choice keeping me stuck, or helping
reach the highest vision I have for myself?”
You Can Handle It
Failure,
embarrassment, and humiliation are not pleasant. It’s no mystery why we spend so much time and effort trying
to catch an early flight away from those feelings. But, I know you can handle it. Something magical happens when you welcome fear, invite it
to come have a seat with you by the fire, and dive right into it. You discover that it doesn’t really
matter what other people think, that you can handle a little embarrassment, and
life is a lot more fun when you adopt the mantra, “So what? Who cares!”
Susan
Hyatt is a Certified Life Coach. She can be reached at www.ideallifedesign.com.
