Ideal Life Design

Getting What You Want

Posted on 09. Feb, 2010 by admin in Get What You Want

Ask the questions that can move you forward

“I never get what I want, and it sucks!” My client was almost as irritated as I had been when Ray the Beagle, then a puppy, chewed through a Lands’ End shipping box and used four pairs of new leather school shoes as teething rings. Almost.

Martha Beck, the insanely talented genius who trained me, recently wrote in the first chapter draft of her new book in progress, The Team, (get your free chapter here) two questions that she asks herself continuously:

1. How did I get here?
2. What do I do next?

Fabulous questions to ask–especially since she asked them as she was faced with a mama rhinoceros protecting her young, during one of her retreats in Africa. Practical and useful given that situation. And, given my client’s circumstances.

Instead, I find that most of us, who are not getting what we think we want, are asking the wrong questions. Instead of the two simple path tweakers above, the decidedly “unlucky” will ask:

1. Who did this to me? And
2. Who is going to fix this for me?

Notice the difference? Hint: the second set of questions is victim like. No sense of independence or of living as a creator.

We can relearn how to create what we want from kids. Take my nine-year-old daughter, Emily, for example. Sassiness on wheels, she continuously astounds me with her resourcefulness. Despite being born into our clearly crazy family, and the fact that she has a life coach for a mother, she thrives.

Several months ago, Emily asked me if she could have a “girl. dog.” Apparently, I hadn’t noticed the huge problem that all of our pets (2 beagles, 1 cat, 2 ferrets and 1 hamster) were all male. The horror. I politely declined her invitation (over and over and over again) to add another thing that pees to our family.

Jake, soon to have a sister

She kept asking. She got more creative in her requests and propositions. Until one day, I took her bait. If you’ve ever read my blog or Facebook status updates, you know that Jake, our skinny Beagle, is a challenging subject. He’s not exactly bringing home trophies from obedience training. So when Emily offered to train Jake in exchange for getting a girl puppy, I agreed. Of course! This is a deal that I cannot lose! Train JAKE?! I laughed. She asked why I did not have faith in her. I told her that I had truckloads of faith in her, just not in her subject. I underestimated both of them.

Emily bought a booked called Dog Training for Dummies, watched my DVD’s of the Dog Whisperer, and bought special liver treats for her training experiment. We agreed on five tricks that she would teach Jake. Once Jake could consistently sit, stay, beg, drop, and do a circle trick, we would know that Emily had done her job.

I was so amused by her optimism.

A few days later, I was attending a “graduation ceremony” for Jake, complete with a special certificate Emily made him.

The darned dog was actually trainable! And Emily had done it! It was Emily’s turn for amusement. Now I am shopping for a girl puppy.

The lessons here are both simple and profound:

1. Ask yourself constantly: How did I get here, and what will I do next?
   Stop waiting for other people to solve your issues for you. It’s your life. Live it. Ask yourself powerful questions to create a vision.
2. Create a plan. Come up with tiny steps to inch toward your vision.
3. Celebrate! When you reach your vision, enjoy it!
4. Never underestimate the magic of strong intentions. Find. A. Way.

Brace yourself for an onslaught of blog posts about our new addition. I know she’ll be amazing, as she was created with the best of intentions.

Tags: Dog Training for Dummies, Dog Whisperer, getting what you want, life coach, Martha Beck